I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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