Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize