I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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