What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
