my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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