she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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