I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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