I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
