Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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