I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
