you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
