I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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