Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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