why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
