come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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