So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
