I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize