Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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