I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
