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So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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