She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
