i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
