and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
