just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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