my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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