Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Still dying that you shit outside
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
