Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
