I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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