Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
