Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
