I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
