so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
