its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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