a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
