Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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