Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
