What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
