I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We have so much sex to catch up on
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
