so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
