I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
