it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
