Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
