So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
