Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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