Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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