Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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