Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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