I'm so fucking centered right now
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
