it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
