New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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