Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
