It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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