I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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