anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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