i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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