if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
