I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
