i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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