I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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