Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize