please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
