Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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