Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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