You just made me feel so damn special
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize