When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
BRING THE BAGELS
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