I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
