I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
