dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
