MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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