my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
only if we run a train.
done.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
