her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
