Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

wow.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah, it was that bad.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.

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(949): View more from California

Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.

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(251): View more from Alabama

And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.

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(914): View more from New York

you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.

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