The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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