I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He did a backflip because drugs
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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