Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
