Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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