I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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