walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize
