I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize