I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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