I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
