When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize