It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
