I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just want nice things and good sex
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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