I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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