I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
