Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
