I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
