It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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