It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Jerry, you need to find god
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
