it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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