Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
are you so shy because you have an std?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
