She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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