Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dear god my vagina.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
