Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
