mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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