JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
