i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Less talking, more tequila
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
