my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
